Social-emotional learning (SEL) has become a primary focus in many school’s strategic plans. Fortunately, there is a long list of literature, articles and research that outline the importance of SEL and the positive impact that it can have on student development. Knowing this, teachers try to fit these lessons into their morning meetings, projects, special classes, birthday celebrations, snack times and lunch hours. They are attempting to adapt to both learn about and create space for SEL, but SEL requires more time and consistency, with a heavy emphasis on time.

As an early childhood counselor and educator, I work with children in their beginning years of development and the families that care for them. Knowing that SEL is valuable and requires dedicated time, my school has taken the approach of allowing me and my colleagues to stay with the same caseload of children for five years, which is a rare opportunity for counselors and educators to have in this field. During this time, it takes students about two years to understand my role as a “feelings teacher.” They go from asking me, “Who are you, and what are you doing here?” to telling me about their feelings the moment I step into their classroom. By the time they are in kindergarten, they are fully accustomed to my presence. Some of them introduce me to caregivers I have yet to meet, while others greet me with a hug as they enter the building on their own or hand in hand with friends. They have grown physically, but also emotionally as they are able to notice and deal with their emotions more readily.

As I’ve built these foundational skills with my students, my school has also given me enough time to build an expectation that students discuss their identities as a valuable component within the SEL curriculum. My teachers and administrators understand that this is imperative to the work that I do in creating systemic change and in building relationships with my students where they can feel comfortable discussing identity in an authentic, holistic and vulnerable way. The time I have been given to incorporate identity into SEL has allowed me to explore, experiment, and, most importantly, give my students new tools to navigate the world and their identities and grow and mature in their learning.

Bringing Identity to the Forefront

In her book “Unearthing Joy,” author Gholdy Muhammad speaks on the importance and impact of taking the time to get to know your students deeply. Specifically, Muhammad says, “It is important to get to know children in authentic, loving, and meaningful ways so that you learn who they are, who they’re not, and who they are destined to become on this earth.” I have learned that it is important to center identity as I learn more about my students. Acknowledging and affirming their identities creates opportunities to teach SEL on a deeper and more impactful level.

Although I work in a predominantly white institution, I work to focus on uplifting each child’s experience in the world while simultaneously acknowledging the role of prejudice, racism and oppression in our schools. My experiences over the years, when I have had the time to work with and collaborate with a diverse group of teachers, have taught me that teaching SEL without discussing these topics is often the easier and quicker route to take, but it also creates more opportunities for harm. Instead of settling for this, I challenge myself and my colleagues to lean into discomfort and expand our understanding of SEL. In doing so, I find joy in the incremental and marginal change we have created within our school because it creates an opportunity for continued growth.

As I enter first grade with my students, I notice that as much as I have learned about them, they have learned about me. They expect to hear my jokes and know that as a Black woman, my hair will look different almost every time they see me. We have developed a consistent and trusting relationship where they are holistically seen and valued, and it shows in their engagement with SEL lessons and their ability to problem-solve and express themselves.

One day, during our fourth year together, I was preparing to read the book "What Do You Do With a Problem?” for my SEL lesson, and I began by asking, “What problems do you see in your world?” Students began speaking about gun violence, robberies and people being treated unfairly. When one student spoke, another would add to their idea and tell the story from their perspective. Students also spoke about their families in India, experiencing harm and the effects of racism in America.

One child expressed grave concern that “Black and white people would always fight.” This became a focus of the conversation for a while until one of my students noted that the injustices Asian Americans experience are rarely discussed. He challenged me directly, telling me that we don’t talk about these things enough. Instead of reacting negatively or quickly moving on as we ran well over time, I listened, made time and space for the student to discuss his experience, and respectfully validated him as this conversation continued. I was unprepared for this conversation and looked to my teacher colleagues for help; they stayed present for the conversation, which went on for 45 minutes. We never even read the book.

The True Power of SEL

As I left that conversation, I felt many emotions. Mainly, I was proud of them for being capable of a conversation that was so dynamic and important. Using their self-advocacy skills, they were able to speak up and challenge me, centering experiences that matter the most to them and their families. In learning their personalities over the years, I created a safe space where they knew their voices would be heard, valued and amplified. I could get to know my students for who they are as individuals, and they understood that not only did I know them, but I also had a relationship with their teachers, which created a village of care they could lean on when needed.

Giving SEL the time and space it deserves allows children to become more self-aware and connected to their peers and adults in the school setting. This feeling of safety allows for learning environments that encourage challenging and expansive conversations and community building that values and respects the identity of all students. Doing this while also building consistent and real relationships with students creates the foundation for a uniquely safe educational environment. It creates opportunities for students to learn to be better citizens to one another. When our students are regulated, able to think critically, and encouraged to speak up about the things that are important to them, educators can better navigate students' concerns while honoring the identities and feelings that come along with them.

SEL is and should always be a part of our work as educators. However, to have a positive and lasting effect on our students' lives and relationships, we must create environments where more purposeful and intentional time is dedicated to SEL and understanding the role of identity.